I'm Climbin' Up
This song expresses the instability, violence, yelling, and painful words and actions that characterized my childhood. My siblings and I experienced a lot that we had to sort through, overcome, and rise above. This song makes a statement and communicates my hope that others too can climb up and no longer let the misdeeds of others against them hold them down.
The Music: The music is composed of only drums and vocals to express the deliberate act of stepping out, climbing up, and making the statement. The vocals communicate words and declaration; the drums emphasize the steps and movement of climbing up.
Open My Eyes
This song comes from a time in my life, where it just seemed like I was surrounded on every side by difficulties. I felt like I was in a desert, a barren wasteland. During that time of my life, I remembered Elisha as he saw a great Host standing with him, though his servants could not see. Thinking of Elisha made me remember that I was not alone; God was with me. Elisha reminded me that I would get through, and all would be alright if I persevered; not just for me, but as an example to my kids to keep peace in battle and forge ahead in that peace. (2 Kings 6:17-20)
The Music: I wanted a desert feel; I wanted hoof beats; I wanted the hoof beats that were with me to overshadow hoof beats coming at me, to represent the feeling of more being together with me than coming against me.
It Is Well
This is an old hymn
The Music: I wanted the music under to feel like a rolling ocean, the vocals above to be like winds on the waves, voices on the wind, and the song itself to be as a vessel maintaining peacefully through the winds and waves.
Rise Above
This song comes from my own personal experiences and from those of others who had been robbed in the worst way, usually by someone they knew and trusted. Victims who struggle with confusion, self-doubt, and self-blame. The song is reflective of the conversations we circulate within ourselves while processing towards healing and allowing blame to fall upon the perpetrator and not upon a trusting and supportive heart.
The Music: I wanted that repetitive, plodding bass in the beginning, because as a victim processes, they tend to replay the events, over and over. As their process continues to develop, hopefully, they open up to brighter places. I wanted the vocals to reflect the sounds of the heart cries--cries that there is no vocabulary for. The opening up to brighter and elevated sounds suggests an image parallel to watching a bird take to flight and disappear over the horizon.
This Mountain
As Followers of Christ, we often endure a difficult journey. Following Christ will cost you all you have; the Mountain that is killing me is also the Mountain I cling to.
These lyrics are based on a dream I had:
The dream opens up with my face inches from the snow. The wind is blowing and my breathing is labored. I feel like I weigh a ton, as I am on my belly crawling up this mountain. I cannot describe how heavy my limbs feel and how hard it is to breathe, though I am trying to take deep breaths. I reach my arm up and plant it in the snow. I take an anguished breath; it just doesn’t feel like I took that much air in, yet I’m breathing heavily, laboriously. My breathing feels shallow, rapid, and difficult. I push up with my leg. This is so hard! I feel so heavy. I know I am on a high mountain, I know I am not turning back..
The Music: Nothing made sense but the blues. The Mountain that is killing me, is the Mountain I cling to.
Deepest Blue
This song came from my most broken place. My marriage was failing, which meant my family was falling apart. With the fractured life I was raised with, I didn’t want to impart a broken home onto my children. I had done everything I knew how to do; I had fasted, prayed and cried out. I had left four times, because of oppressive behaviors. I came back, I forgave, and I had believed. I was broken. As I sat under a blue-purple night with the crisp twinkling stars, I felt in my heart that, if I could simply get into God’s Presence, I would be fine. I would be fine, despite all the gravity pulling me down. I had this feeling of softly drifting out to sea, carried by soft waves of grace until there was no land in sight: nothing but stars and water, nothing I could do but trust. Water is an element that is often associated with the Holy Spirit, and this song communicates my feeling of resting in and upon the moving and constant element of God’s love. The waves eventually washed over me like a gentle embrace, comforting me in this vast ocean in which I am not now, nor ever have been, alone.
The Music: I wanted to convey a soft ocean and soft waves. I also wanted the waves to wash over as if the waves were embracing me in my full trust and brokenness.
If You Knew
I wrote this song after my baby sister passed away serves as a source of encouragement others who have suffered loss. As my sister was transitioning, there was this moment when God’s Presence was so vibrant and pure; pure love. So this song postulates the question, If we really, truly knew the depth of God’s love for us, how would we live differently in the knowledge that our words, actions and boldness affects eternity, and perhaps someone else's eternity as well.
The Music: I wanted it to be hopeful and for the voices in the background to symbolize how very much alive those voices still are. The very first background voice is emulating sound when it passes you at high velocity modulates. I wanted to try to capture that “passing”. I wanted a hopeful, motivating sound.
Mama
The mama in this song is to a compilation mom, keep in mind. I had about 12 different women that tried to stand in this position over me. Some of them were volatile, emotionally unstable and truly got upset with you if you didn’t agree with them. Some of them were mean, abusive, yelling bullies, who were inappropriate in many ways. This song simply seeks to communicate: carry on, but carry on without me. Though I love you, I cannot go where you are going.
The Music: This song is another drums and vocals only song. I wanted some train feel and deliberate steps. The background voices crying out express the feeling that there are cries that come out from many different places and ages.
Callin' Thru the Blue
The Beloved calling for the beloved
The Music: I wanted a nice heartbeat on the chorus, a pounding out.
Watcha Gonna Do
This song is about getting back to basics with what we believe as Christians.
The Music: I wanted that train, driven, staying on track. I love where Mike Parker went with this.
Please Come Home
This song was written to my older sister, husband and other loved ones, who were in a dark place and dealing with addiction, and were thus lost to me. This cry comes from that deep place in the soul that knows they have forgotten who they are. I can now say the ones prayed for in this song have come back.
The Music: The expressive piano Joe Salzano brings pours so much heart into this piece. He brings the passionate cry to life.