A Clear Day
This is a telling of Julianna, a wise, insightful and creative child with surpassing beauty and a wonderful sense of humor. Julianna has a wonderfully sensitive heart with keen awareness and insight, she has however, such great sensitivity which often makes things difficult. She feels things so much, and so deeply and is so aware that oftentimes it is overwhelming to her senses to be in too much contact with others, or too many people at once.
She has a bubble that she abides in, she hates this bubble because it keeps her separated from others and keeps her from feeling connected too strongly from others, yet, she also loves this bubble because it keeps her separated from others. It keeps her from feeling connected too strongly from others, from feeling too much. It was both her prison and her protection. Either way, try as she may there was no escaping it.
She saw others outside her bubble and longed for the freedom they had, not to be so overwhelmed by every word, sound, and touch. To just connect and be loved and tickled and play and be able to freely go about your days without worries and seemingly without your brain, going, going, going all the time. She watched from within her bubble and connected as best she could, on days when she even cared to try.
She had a family that loved her very much, they would walk next to her bubble and speak with her, press their face against and sometimes touch her through the fragile…yet resilient substance that cocooned her. She loved them and was so glad they were there, and longed to be especially free with them. It was not for lack of effort or desire on everyone’s part to see it gone, but the bubble remained.
Some days the bubble would be so murky and cloudy it was hard to see out at all and she could only see herself, this set her mind to whirling around the concept of her, her condition, her bubble, her loneliness. It was hard to see past herself on those days; on especially dark days, when the bubble clouded over completely, she couldn’t even see herself. It was then that she had an especially difficult time keeping track of much at all. These are how her days and hours were measured. Day after day, clear, murky, dark, feeling trapped, disconnected…different.
One day a man came to her bubble, she heard Him calling and she could make out his face. Very kind and earnest, kinder than her father, more resolute than her mother, he asked to come in. No one came in! How was He possibly going to do that, yet she wanted with all her heart for deep companionship inside this so often isolated place.
He was the Herder, her father and mother knew Him and spoke of Him often and told His tales and sang His songs. Now He had come to her.
“Yes, come in,” she said cautiously waiting to see how He would do this without collapsing everything or being shut out as many were. So many had tried and failed, then the vague whispers of an almost touch taunted her thoughts, this was her hope; and fear. Let Him try.
Her eyes squinted as she could no longer see Him outside, had He gone away? She was jolted as she heard His voice behind her. How did He do that?!
He smiled at her,” I am so glad you let me in,” he said warmly.
She smiled awkwardly, yet she felt at ease with Him, she was not at ease with anyone; even herself; yet with Him she didn’t have to be anything. She didn’t feel any qualifying demands, she didn’t have to be clever, or sociable, or funny, or anything in particular at all. She breathed a sigh of relief.
“I’ve heard about you, why are you here?” she asked
“I’ve come to show you something, if you’re willing to see.” He left the statement with her to ponder.
Julianna was curious and clever, and of course she wanted to see. “Show me” was her cautious replay.
“Take my hand,” he offered.
Her mind began to race, what does this mean, where are we going, are we leaving the bubble? There’s too much going on out there. Touching is too much; yet she was so at home with His Presence…it was so easy, but, why was He asking this?
As if knowing her racing thoughts, He leaned in and said, “Relax, “I didn’t come to burst your bubble,” he smiled knowingly. His smile was comforting, and the look in His eyes captured her racing mind and heart…she realized when she was with Him…all was quiet, peaceful. She smiled at His playful words. He was surprisingly comforting to be near; all within her became still…calm. She was Peaceful.
She smiled and shook his head, captured by the stillness He imparted.
She extended her hand.
He gentle enfolded it in His own.
They stood there side by side and suddenly her bubble became crystal clear, and she could see; really see, the world around her. She looked about and saw people and all kinds, rich and poor, old and young and astonishingly, almost all of them had some sort of bubble around them or attached to them. She marveled and wanted to cry. She was not so different after all, her condition wasn’t a strange anomaly, and it’s just that many had learned how to function with their dysfunction; most didn’t even know they had a bubble.
It was an incredible moment, standing there with Him and feeling connected to anything was such an unusual sensation. She marveled, standing there holding His hand…she hadn’t even realized how faintly she had seen, or rather had not seen things.
She held His hand tighter, this was a surprising revelation, she had felt so alone and it was so hard to see beyond her walls. Her eyes welled with tears of relief.
He looked intently and tenderly into Juliana’s eyes,” everyone has a space that only I can fill, occupy and heal and if they are willing change.”
“Would you like to see what I see?” He ventured.
She looked about with fascination, she saw a man with a big bubble over his head, like an astronaut’s helmet only bigger, yet he touched people and was out among and worked among others, he even somehow managed to see through what seemed a very foggy bubble.
She looked at the Herder, He explained, “This man has an intellectual bubble, many others do too, He can only see things according to logic, reason, textbook and scientific evidence, yet for all his knowledge and self-satisfied notions he cannot explain “why” to many things. He went on, “So he fills his bubble with more knowledge of more things and it becomes even harder for him to see, yet in his own eyes he is very wise and well informed. It is not easy to get in bubbles like that, but if they are truly looking for the real Truth and reason behind ALL things, they will find me.”
She saw some that seemed to have no bubble at all, like the Herder; she was mystified because before today, she thought that was most everybody. They were rare, she saw a little closer and saw they did have something surrounding them, almost like a force field more than a bubble, they moved with such freedom and agility. There was something familiar about them, her focus was intent upon them as He moved he caught her attention away from them.
Julianna was fascinated she really hadn’t seen this nor could she have, she realized, without the Herder to open her eyes. As she looked at Him, she was amazed that he was so humble and approachable, yet she knew He was very great. She did not want to be without Him yet fear kept her in check, would she please Him? Would she be able to “get it?” Would He ever give up?
She wanted more, she looked at Him and saw an emblem on His chest she hadn’t noticed before, though she knew it was there, it had a scarlet background, and a gold crown in the center with silver and gold flashing embroidering surrounding the crown. As if it were actually reflecting rays as she looked at it. As He spoke He drew her eyes off it, “See?”
He nodded in the direction, of a woman with an almost opaque bubble surrounding her, Julianna could just make out an emblem on her similar to His. Why would she have a bubble Julianna pondered, she knew the Herder.
Interrupting her thoughts, He explained her unvoiced inquiries, “She has religion, line, precept, law, fences, explanations for everything, and an unloving heart. She’s blinded and satisfied with everything she thinks she knows and is prideful and uncompassionate. You can barely see her through the space she has built for herself and her self-righteousness. The saddest thing for her is that she does not know she’s in a bubble, she thinks she is serving me”.
“She has your emblem,:” Julianna was trying to understand.
“Looks real ,yes?” he said almost with a sadness.
Julianna looked again and could see the emblem was a tin type, not alive like His. It was not something He gave her; it was something she put on herself. Julianna was reflective, knowing she had much to learn.
Only then did she realize she was still holding His hand. It didn’t overload her senses or make her uncomfortable at all. She smiled at Him and His face responded with a Joy that radiated from within Him. “I love your smile,” he simply stated as His gaze met hers. She didn’t know what to say and she looked away.
Then she saw it, the most exquisite gown she had ever seen.
She let go of His hand and walked over to see this stunning garment. She brushed her hand across the mysterious material and it rippled like water to her touch. She giggled and the sound of her voice caused to fabric to vibrate gently like a voice across the water. She was utterly fascinated by this phenomenal dress; it was the color of stormy seas. She looked up at Him and he delighted in watching her face as she took in this gift.
“What is it?” she asked
He looked around her bubble and said, “You invited me into your domain, this is an invitation to mine.” He continued,” it is not for me to adorn you with it, you must choose to put this on yourself.”
She looked curiously at Him as He explained, “It’s your Garment of Praise, it is custom fit to you and it will fit no other and none other is fashioned like it, every one that has a garment of Praise is unique to them, crafted by the creator to resonate with your sound and mine.”
Her gaze had returned to the garment, she was fascinated that when He spoke, the fabric didn’t vibrate but rather sparkles like a thousand diamonds of light in upon the ocean and glow from within at the same time. This garment was breathtakingly majestic indeed.
She knew people in her life that had these garments, she felt a little sheepish at her own voice at that point. He put her hand under her chin and captured her gaze and said deeply to her heart. “There is not one voice in the whole realm of the earth that touches me like your voice touches me Julianna, I will always respond to your sound, maybe not the way you think I will, or want me too. I hear you when you call. It will also help you to see clearly, to see beyond”
She embraced Him, relieved; she had been so lonely, and tired of trying figure things out. She rested her head upon Him and the weight and burden of confusion fall off. She held the garment to herself, gripped by both the magnitude of its beauty and the knowledge that it was up to her to put it on. As she stared at it she was suddenly taken in by the fabric and it was as if she could hear the tempestuous waves and feel the wind of the sea. She pulled it away immediately shaken, what was this?!
The Herder looked at her and gently and knowingly said, “I encourage you to learn of psalms and songs from the deep and stormy places Julianna; others have written from tempestuous places, to find me In the midst of the storm.” He continued, “I will help you navigate through the stormy seas, you will find your voice, we will make it through together. I won’t ever leave you…ever, I know it hasn’t been easy, but I can tell, if you hold on to me, it will be worth it.’
She turned and they both looked out again, she was comforted at the reality that so many had varying degrees of bubbles, and a wave of compassion came over her for those that didn’t even know that they were trapped in one, whether in their thinking or their emotions or even spiritual darkness that had them trapped and deceived and didn’t know how to invite the Herder in. She felt blessed that she knew Him and also knew she had much to learn and see. She asked for the courage to put the lovely garment on and to lift her voice even if only He could hear it.
“I will see you soon”, he stated warmly and just like that, she was alone again in her space but it was different somehow. The walls started to fog up again. She pondered deeply his words and trailed her fingers along fabric of her garment. She lifted it above her head and opened her mouth to the sound of a familiar and comforting song.
©Warrior Bride Publications 2013