BE THE DIFFERENCE

From a tender age, I had found an incredible deep connection with God despite the chaos I was surrounded by. My two sisters and I were raised in an unstable home that ended up with us being placed in foster homes when I was 3 ½. We suffered shameful abuses by many adults that bore heavy weight on our little hearts and minds. I found solace in both my art and in my singing. Through these avenues, I discovered I could express my heart with a courage and honesty that mere words often couldn’t capture.

After several difficult foster care placements, we were finally back with our mother. She still couldn’t seem to make good choices with men and unfortunately the three of us paid the price for her weaknesses, desperate decisions and dishonesty.

While dealing with my mother’s chaotic life choices, I increasingly became aware that I am different from my family. I was not like my blond, fair skinned sisters, in fact, I did not look like any of my classmates nor did I share my mother's hasty emotional enthusiasms. I had black hair, dark skin and was introspective. Never having met my father, this question of my identity left a deep void and a constant unsettledness which felt even deeper after losing my sisters and my mom.

My art, my singing and my jewelry were all ways I found peace. These were avenues of escape and even spaces where I felt like I was home. Everything I create is made to bring hope, healing and comfort to me and others who need it. These creations are also my own form of prayer, visions and dreams. As I shared my artwork with other, the more I found my work to be unique and untraditional from others. 

Some years later, while working at a cafe, I connected with some native constructive workers who frequently stopped in. At the time, I had my artwork on display at the cafe and the workers had let me know my work reminded them an artist from their nation, Onondaga. Intrigued, I began to wonder about my father and I picked up my search again. A few weeks later, I met my first relative on my father’s side through a DNA test and after much research we discovered my father. I looked like my father. I’m Onondaga. I met and learned about many of my relatives, my grandparents, cousins, uncles, aunts, siblings, nephews and nieces. The connection was instant.

I returned to the cafe to share the exciting news with the workers, and through our discussion, I found out that not only were two of them cousins, but the artist they referred to earlier was my father’s first cousin. The next few years, I connected with a whole new set of family, a heritage, a line of people, dreamers, singers, dancers, jewelry makers and artists. I no longer felt different, and for the first time, I felt like family.

Healing has been lifelong process, and forgiveness wasn’t easy but I never let anyone rob me of what felt so inherently me. I never compromised my dreams, my visions, my music or my creativity. I hope you find that you are not alone and that you find your space that fills you with peace, that your journey will bring you some place you can call home and through my story, I hope you will find that you are not alone.