This Mountain

The dream opens up with me face inches from the snow, the wind is blowing and my breathing is labored. I feel I weigh a ton as I am on my belly crawling up this mountain. I cannot describe how heavy my limbs feel and hard it is to breathe, though I am trying to take deep breaths…. I reach my arm up and plant it in the snow. I take an anguished breath, and it just doesn’t feel like I took that much air in, yet I’m breathing heavily…laboriously but it feels shallow rapid...difficult. I push up with my leg, this is so hard! I feel so heavy. I know I am on a high mountain, I know I am not turning back.

I turn my head to the right and I see an angel of the Lord walking on top of the snow next to me. This encourages me. I know this angel has been with me thru the journey. Then I look around me and I see other believers, also laboring their way up the mountain in the snow…crawling, purposed, intent, stubbornly ignoring the hardship, not turning back. They all have angels patiently walking next to them as well. I put my face back down in the cold, I am so tired.

Up ahead of me in the snow was a line with liter bottles buried to the close to the cap in the snow. I knew I had to get to them. They seemed so far away but I am a little more motivated, feeling like this timely relief is just a few feet away. I stretch forward, pushing, lay my head down again to gather my strength and breath for another round, knowing I will only capture a few inches of gain.I cannot fully explain how heavy I feel, dense, and my limbs feel like heavy, moveable lead. No matter how big a breath I take there seems to be no "air" in it, no substance. I keep inching forward.

This cycle repeats for a while… I am not quitting…no turning back now, come too far

I reach up and feel the bottle and grasp it with my fumbling, trembling fingers, I get a firm grasp and pull it out of the snow, I heave my body up with great effort in a position where I am resting on my knees and heels; I am so tired, I open it and put it to my lips…it is air, life giving, strengthening, sorry I took it for granted air!  It fills my being like mighty rivers flooding a mighty canyon, and I am revived!

I jump to my feet; I look to see others doing the same. Upon catching their gaze there is an instant camaraderie and unspoken respect and honor, a deep unto deep connection. I knew it cost them EVERYTHING to get here, it cost all, and they were resilient, determined…pressing past all obstacles, difficulties and temptations to quit. Here they are. Heart salute.

We are right next to a very high precipice, dizzyingly high, wow, I didn’t realize I had trekked this far. I looked over the edge, a cold wind was sweeping up the side of the mountain as I leaned over. The valley was far, far below and you could barely see it's remote existence through a thin veil of clouds. I looked at others who had gotten wings, large beautiful wings and were diving off this cliff, some with very determined looks, some overflowing with compassion, some with utter joy. I watched them sail and circle, I was so happy for them, what bliss of fulfillment to take what we have to the valley and bring more people up and take to them the strength we have found. As I stood there watching I felt something near the inside of my shoulder blades and next to my spine; something strong and solid.

My eyes got wide, I flashed a look at the angel by my side as I took an excited gasp of air into my newly adapted lungs and body. Was it happening? Was I getting wings?!  Was this lifetime desire to fly finally being fulfilled?  I threw my arms back over my shoulders and felt them…WINGS! I look at the angel and smile…the angel smiles back.

~end of dream

Do we have something that is worth whatever cost?